The Note Card Series, Final Round

(Today is day 5 of the Note Card Series.  The last set!  Too bad, too, these posts are easy.)

Today's Category

"Professional Relationships"

or

"How I got fired from my first job in China"

In today's category, points are awarded for aggressively pursuing some sort of close relationship with me.  I'm not sure if this is quite as common with the local teachers, but I am well aware now that teacher-student relationships here certainly have different boundaries than I'm used to...  Anyhow, here we are with the top 10:

#10

Questions/Comments:

"I'm very friendly."

I like it.  Quick and to the point, with no commitment required.  Just-To-Let-You-Know.  Excellent.

#9

"May I teach you Chinese?"

Mmm.  Subtle, and inconspicuous.  A sly foot in the door, giving me motivation for acceptance.  But I know where this leads.  First you're teaching me Chinese, and then all of a sudden we're on a trip back to your hometown for the New Year Holiday.  Well, you're going to have to wait in line, buddy.  I've already gotten that invitation like a bajillion times.

***Bonus Points*** -- "Because I love English, so I love English."

Well, I suppose I can't fault him on the actual logic.

#8

 "Can I play with you in the weekend?"

This would be a little less weird if we were 7 years old.

#7

"If you don't mind, I want make friends with you, OK?"

Well, at least he asked politely.  As opposed to... 

#6

"I want make friends.  OK!  You agree."

Good!  I'm glad we had this talk.

#5

"Do you have a friendgirl?"

I guess Zhang Ning decided that might not be an appropriate question.  ...Or, far more likely, she just wasn't sure about that last word.  The idea of "inappropriate questions" hasn't really caught on here.  "Hi.  What's your name?  Do you have a girlfriend?  How much money do you make in a month?  What do you think about the policies of the current regime?"  Cool, nice to meet you, too.

#4

"Do you like Chinese girl?"

Since this one comes from a male student, I can only assume he would like to see me fired.

***Bonus Points***

English name: "Zhang"
Almost there, buddy.  Almost.

#3

Questions?

"Do you have girl friend?"

"How old are you?"

And now, all subtlety has flown out the window.  Too old for you, little Jiao...

#2

Name: Yan Anqi

English name: Jessica

Why English?

"Because I want to talk with you."

Any Questions?

"What's your telephone number?"

Wow.  I hope as a professional instructor I can find some sort of alternative motivation for you to learn English, because there is no way in hell I'm giving you my telephone number.

And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse:

"I want to be friend with you.  I treat you to mooncake after class OK?"

Are you kidding?

This is not only inappropriate, but also completely unappealing.

Absolutely not. What is with all the mooncakes?