No, please, just call me Chuck

One of the cool things about living as an expat in China is that adventure is around every corner, or sometimes even living upstairs.  This particular adventure came in the form of my neighbor, "Laura".

So, one evening as I was preparing for the next day's class, I got a knock on the door.  Now, the only person who knocks on my door with any sort of regularity is my Scottish friend Ross, so I figured it was probably him.  However, I have since found that the Chinese people don't have the same etiquette rules that the US has about turning up unannounced at someone's home.  So, to my mild surprise, instead of Ross, I found a Chinese girl about my age with two ten-year-olds in tow.  Since they didn't really seem to have any actual purpose for being there, I guess I was just supposed to invite them in, so I did.  We got to talking about life in China and whatnot, and somehow the topic of Wushu came up, and I mentioned that I wanted to learn some while I was here.

Well, it turns out that her father is some sort of champion martial artist, and her "Shu Shu" (Uncle, but no actual relation) is a rather talented Wushu instructor.  How convenient!  So, I have now been to two "classes" from this guy now, one of which was (surprise!) private, and taught by both her father and her Shushu.  The classes are held at night, under a single yellow lamp, in the courtyard in front of a machine factory that the teacher owns.  They are also delivered in rapid local Chinese, and so about 80% of the words go over my head, but I understand very clearly when the teacher grabs my arm and puts it somewhere else.  And they have refused any effort to pay them, so I simply bring them occasional gifts instead.  The whole thing feels rather like a scene from The Karate Kid, except that we're in China.  And also, instead of being a cheesy 80's movie, it is awesome.

(I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.  The Karate Kid is awesome, too.)

So, you all can feel free to start making Jackson Davis jokes whenever you like.

The Note Card Series, Final Round

(Today is day 5 of the Note Card Series.  The last set!  Too bad, too, these posts are easy.)

Today's Category

"Professional Relationships"

or

"How I got fired from my first job in China"

In today's category, points are awarded for aggressively pursuing some sort of close relationship with me.  I'm not sure if this is quite as common with the local teachers, but I am well aware now that teacher-student relationships here certainly have different boundaries than I'm used to...  Anyhow, here we are with the top 10:

#10

Questions/Comments:

"I'm very friendly."

I like it.  Quick and to the point, with no commitment required.  Just-To-Let-You-Know.  Excellent.

#9

"May I teach you Chinese?"

Mmm.  Subtle, and inconspicuous.  A sly foot in the door, giving me motivation for acceptance.  But I know where this leads.  First you're teaching me Chinese, and then all of a sudden we're on a trip back to your hometown for the New Year Holiday.  Well, you're going to have to wait in line, buddy.  I've already gotten that invitation like a bajillion times.

***Bonus Points*** -- "Because I love English, so I love English."

Well, I suppose I can't fault him on the actual logic.

#8

 "Can I play with you in the weekend?"

This would be a little less weird if we were 7 years old.

#7

"If you don't mind, I want make friends with you, OK?"

Well, at least he asked politely.  As opposed to... 

#6

"I want make friends.  OK!  You agree."

Good!  I'm glad we had this talk.

#5

"Do you have a friendgirl?"

I guess Zhang Ning decided that might not be an appropriate question.  ...Or, far more likely, she just wasn't sure about that last word.  The idea of "inappropriate questions" hasn't really caught on here.  "Hi.  What's your name?  Do you have a girlfriend?  How much money do you make in a month?  What do you think about the policies of the current regime?"  Cool, nice to meet you, too.

#4

"Do you like Chinese girl?"

Since this one comes from a male student, I can only assume he would like to see me fired.

***Bonus Points***

English name: "Zhang"
Almost there, buddy.  Almost.

#3

Questions?

"Do you have girl friend?"

"How old are you?"

And now, all subtlety has flown out the window.  Too old for you, little Jiao...

#2

Name: Yan Anqi

English name: Jessica

Why English?

"Because I want to talk with you."

Any Questions?

"What's your telephone number?"

Wow.  I hope as a professional instructor I can find some sort of alternative motivation for you to learn English, because there is no way in hell I'm giving you my telephone number.

And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse:

"I want to be friend with you.  I treat you to mooncake after class OK?"

Are you kidding?

This is not only inappropriate, but also completely unappealing.

Absolutely not. What is with all the mooncakes?

The Note Card Series, Part 4

(Today is day 4 of The Note Card Series.  Yes, there is still more.  These students are ridiculous.)

Today's Category

Flattery Will Get You Nowhere

(Except posted on my blog)

In "Flattery Will Get You Nowhere", points are awarded to students who try to make me feel good about myself, for whatever reason.  No genuine goodwill required!  On to the cards...

#5

"I hope teacher health, happy everyday."

This would be a lot cooler if it weren't a cookie-cutter Chinese saying.  Lame, you can totally do better!

#4

"Hello Jackson.  My name is Jia Wendi.  I like English very much, and I like you very much.  Can you sing Chinese song?"

Aww.  Interestingly, pretty much all of my classes asked me to sing for them.  I politely refused.

#3

"I like English teacher!  His name is Jackson Davis.  You are very cool!!!"

Now we're talking!  Ten points extra credit for this guy.

 

#2

"I don't like English, but I think you are very good."

Bonus points for honesty, although I'm not sure how you made it all the way up to number 2.  Ah, well, you can stay.

 Coming in at the top spot; no transcription needed:

Oh man, that is just adorable.

The Note Card Series, Part 3

(Today is day 3 of the Note Card Series)

Today's Category

Your English name is what?!

I don't think this category needs much of an explanation.  On to the finalists!

#10

English Name: "Killy"

Bold, but intimidating.  I don't know if I could date a girl named Killy, although perhaps we could be professional acquaintences.  

It was a few days before I figured out she must have meant "Kelly".  I think I like Killy better.




#9
Name:  "Yang Zhuofu"
English name: "Mr. Yang"


10 points for ingenuity, but I don't think I'm going to be calling you "Mr. Yang" all semester, sorry.



#8
English Name:  "Shardow"


"Hello Jackson!  My Chinese name is Yan Yu, and my English name is Shardow.  I'm very like the moonlight shardow, and I know there is a song which name is ‹‹Moon-Light Shardow››  I want to learn English well, to make myself speak English well."
Wow, with a well reasoned argument like that, how can I not let her keep the name "Shardow"?  Although, I wonder in what ways she is actually like the moonlight shardow.



#7
English Name:  "Yoko"

At least we can all agree that this name is not Chinese.  'A' for effort.

**Bonus Points**
+1 for using the word "English" five times in four sentences.

#6  Co-Award:  Good friends "Fly" and "Air".
**Bonus Geek Points**
Questions: "Do you know 'Warth of the Lich King'?"

These two are pretty much exactly like their cards sound.

#5

English name:  "Super Man"

This guy has since chosen a new name, but I still call him "Superman".  Wouldn't you?

#4

English Name:  "Dar  Drap" 

Wow, it's a good thing you changed that.  You almost called yourself "Darp".  That would have been silly.

#3

English Name:  "Beautiful"

Well, now, someone has a high opinion of themselves.

#2

English Name: " 'Camus "

What?  'Camus??  Did you just pick random English letters and put them together?  And what about that apostrophe?  How do you even say this name??  Ridiculous.

And Finally, Coming in at #1:

 Possibly my favorite card in all of my classes.  It's just so unobtrusive.

"My English name is Toothpick."

 

The Note Card Series, Part 2

 Today is Day 2 of the Note Card Series.

Today's Category

The Cat, Yes or No, has been Killed?

In "The Cat, Yes or No,has been Killed?", points are awarded for the quality of students' questions for me.  This may include audacity, or sheer innocence.  And without further ado, today we have the top ten:

#10

Name: Li Lun

Questions:

"1) Do you like pop music?"

Fair enough question.  Sure, I guess I like some.

"2) Where do you live now?"

Hmm, I don't know if I should answer that...

"3) What are you doing with Yao Ming?"

Wait, what?

#9

Name: Sheng Weihua
Question: "Do you like China and Yao Ming?  Why?"

Clearly in China, "Why not?" is not an option when talking about Yao Ming.

#8

Name:  Zhao Ling

Questions/Comments?: "Do you like basketball?  NBA is so cool.  James is my  I like James very much."  (Referring to LeBron James.)

**Bonus  cute points**

+1 -- "Can I play basketball or with you?"

Apparently the NBA is huge here.  Also, I guess "LeBron" is too hard to learn. Unless, of course, Zhao Ling and LeBron James are already on a last-name basis.

#7

Question:  "Why do you wirte don't used your right hand?"

This is actually fairly legit curiosity around here.  So far I haven't met a single other lefty in China.  They just don't really have them.  What really blows their minds is when you tell them that Barack Obama is left-handed.

#6

Name: Qu Xuyang

Question: "If you  Can  I hope we have a  In class.  Can you speak English slow?"

Cute.

#5

Name: Chen Weiqi

Questions: "I want to know if I take mistakes, you will don't like me?"

Sorry buddy, not only are you right, but you are already screwed, along with every single one of your classmates.

#4

Name: Li Zhenghao

Question: "What's you favorite food? How much a hot dog in your city?"

Zhenghao has decided where is interests really lie.

#3

Name: Li Zitong

Question: "I want to know, the America Yes or No, is a free country."

Clearly, Li Zitong does not like his American teacher, and wants him to get fired.  So... next question.

#2

Name: Zhao Guang

Question: "Can you teach us 3 years?"

Bonus points for flattery, but are you trying to give my poor mother a heart attack??  Also, it's the first day!  I feel sorry for the poor girl/guy who goes on a first date with you.

And, coming in in the top spot:

#1

Name: Wei Ya Ning

Question: "What kind of United States?"

**Bonus Points**

+1 for Obvious Dictionary Use:

Why English: "Would like to facilitate the daily communication with foreigners."

Man, this guy would have done great in yesterday's category.  What kind of United States, indeed?

The Note Card Series, Part 1

The Task:
I asked all of my students on the first day to fill out note cards with answers to the following questions:

1. Name (in Chinese Characters):
2. Name (in Pinyin):
3. English name:
4. Why do you want to learn English?
5. Questions/comments for me?

 The competition for the best result is fierce.

Today's Category
Completely Incomprehensible

In "Completely Incomprehensible", points are awarded for managing a complete miscommunication on some level.  And the top five are...

  

#5

Name: Sun Yuan Ze

Why English?: "My sister think".

I'm even fairly handy with Chinese, and I have no idea what this is supposed to mean.

 

#4

Name: Liang Shuang

Why English?: "No why ways."

**Bonus Points**

+1 -- English name: "Kay" 

I am fairly certain she was trying to say that she doesn't have a choice in the matter.  Is that what you're getting here?

#3

Name: He Ye

"I like music"

The funny thing is, this guy had like 4 other guys helping him write his card.  I wonder if he actually likes music, or if he just has no idea what this says?

...Good talk.



#2

Name: Wang Xiao Yu
Why English?:  ????????

Apparently this guy misunderstood the directions.  I just hope it wasn't anything important.



#1

And my personal category-favorite, coming in at #1, is Peng Yu.

Why English?: "Funny!"

Yeah... I guess it is.



(Stay tuned this week for more on the Note Card Series!)

You can call me "Prof." for short

I started teaching classes this week!

While I am of course sad that I am no longer on paid vacation, I figure it's about time to start earning my keep around here.  And I am definitely doing just that!  I have 6 different classes, and each class meets twice a week, for a total of about 18 actual class hours.  Now, 18 hours per week doesn't sound like all that much, but including all of the prep-work and whatnot required, it actually feels like quite a lot.  I also have the blessing/curse of having pretty much complete control over my syllabus and teaching methods, which translates to having a fair amount of work outside of class (and, of course, phenomenal classes =)).  I also have to get up for 8AM class, Monday through Friday.  Ouch!

The students themselves are a fairly interesting crew, about what I would expect of a bunch of Chinese college kids.  They somehow manage to be both shy and aggressively friendly at the same time (more on this soon).  As well, my students are the first-year students who are not majoring in English, but still have a foreign English teacher.  Which essentially means I have the worst English students possible in the school, which I believe was an assignment based primarily on the fact that I can speak Chinese.  The students seem to like my classes, though, and I look forward to a good semester.

"Little Sister Yeye"

I have a real Chinese friend!  That I actually enjoy hanging out with!  Hooray!

The other day, while I was playing Badminton with one of the other Foreign teachers (I just discovered how fun this sport is), I met a new friend!  Her name is Máo Yèyè, but I call her Xiǎomèi (meaning "Little Sister"), ever since she started calling me Dàgē ("Older Brother").  She is hilarious.  And, as opposed to every other girl around here, she is not only awesome, but is also not afraid of me, and instead of being embarrassed about the language barrier, she thinks it's funny.  Moreover, she can actually be friends with me without awkward tension.  I can't express how refreshing this is.

Even awesomer: the first thing we actually did together was go roller skating.  Yes, with real roller skates.  Classic go-around-in-a-circle, awkward-middle-school goodness.  It was super fun.  And, it turns out, she's practically a professional roller-skater.  Apparently, that's still rather cool here, although I was sure to inform her that it does, in fact, make her a super-dork.

I also had a great time trying to take photographs while on moving skates, although without any impressive success.  Turns out, it's less than ideal:

(My new friends!)