Live from Xuchang, China

Now, you faithful readers may have to excuse me for a moment while I blow the cow (This is a funny Chinese joke! Laugh here!), but I had a fairly proud moment recently.  I'm terribly sorry about all the text with no pictures.

The Premise

So, about three weeks ago, I was contacted by a friend-of-a-friend-of-my-boss who worked for a local traffic-related radio station, and asked if I could help them with a short project.  Essentially, I was to read a few English sentences for them to record, and that would be it.  As I was on vacation, and didn't have a lot else going on at the time, I accepted, and was picked up by one of the radio hosts, "Snow" (雪冰 Xuěbīng).

When we got to the radio station, however, I found that what they instead had was a list of their program names, which they had translated into English as "Pair explosion comedy", "Story Program", and the like.  So, I first had to give their programs proper English names, and then record them so that they could announce their programs in Chinese and English.  Not because they actually have any English listeners as far as I can tell, but just because It's Cool.

The Plot Twist (*yawn*, predictable.)

I feel like interesting exploits are getting so cliché lately.  I can't walk around for two minutes without stubbing my toe on an adventure.

Anyhow, somehow during that process they figured out I could speak a little Chinese, and asked me if I wanted to be on their radio show in like 10 minutes.  Needless to say, I was terrified.  Now, I may be a bit extreme in that regard--I actually get pretty nervous whenever I go into a new restaurant to eat, and I'm still not entirely clear why--but I think most people would be pretty nervous if they were asked to go on a live radio show in a language they've only been speaking for a few months.  But, I decided a long time ago that that sort of thing shouldn't stop me (as that one woman always says, "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway"), so I went for it, and ended up doing a pretty long radio show.

The Result

Basically what this is leading up to is that you all can now listen to be blabber about nothing in Chinese!  Hooray!

The actual recorded section I have is about an hour and a half long (and that's only the last half!), so I'm obviously not going to post everything on here, but rather just a few sections, so you can have a quick listen if you like. Sorry about the poor audio quality; it was a big MP3.  Also, if you haven't studied any Chinese, well, good luck!

Part 1 - "In Which I Receive a Caller"

(12:11 - 2.8MB)

I don't have the first half of the recording, so there's no real introduction.  But the first clip is the best I could do, so I don't start talking a whole lot until about 2 minutes in.  In the first half, someone calls in to ask the usual sorts of questions, e.g.  "Where are you from?",  "Have you been anywhere besides Xuchang", "Are you fat?  I hear Americans are white and fat."  And then later we talk a lot about food, and what sorts of foods I like to eat.  Pretty much standard program for Chinese conversation.

Part 2 - "In Which I Introduce Owl City"

(1:38 - 770KB)

 (Bonus! Download "On The Wing" by Owl City)

In the first half, the announcer asks me if I'm accustomed to life here, and then we introduce the next song we'll be playing.  What song you ask?  Why, of course it's "On the Wing" by Owl City.  Remember them?

Part 3 - "In Which I Sing On Air"

(0:50 - 392KB)

(Bonus! Download 左眼皮跳跳 by 小文)

This small section is only interesting because I somehow decided it would be a good idea to sing a few bars in Chinese for the listeners.  Embarrassing.  But not too embarrassing to share with you, obviously.

Part 4 - "In Which We Chat About Holidays"

 (11:10 - 2.5MB)

This is a rather long clip that involves us chatting about holidays, and their meanings and traditions.  In the beginning I discover that that particular day happened to be some obscure Chinese holiday, and then later I explain that Valentine's Day happens because St. Valentine was eaten by a lion in the Colosseum.  I have no idea if this is true or not; I'm basing it entirely on a movie adaptation of the story that I watched in elementary school.

Denoument

So I figured since it's basically a traffic radio station, there probably wasn't much of anyone listening to me talk anyways, but lo and behold, not only did I get a text message half-way through from a friend saying she was listening to my program, but I've also had two taxi drivers chat away about how they heard me on the radio that one time.  Life here continues to be interesting.

I was kindof proud of myself afterwards, actually.  For three months of Chinese class three years ago, plus about 4 months working here, I think I'm doing alright.



PS - If you did not like this post, please accept this picture of an alien robot instead.  His name is Alfred and he lives in my living room.

Chinese New Year is for Lovers

So, while you all were out celebrating your Valentine's Days (Chinese: 情人节 qíngrénjié : "Lovers' Day"), I finally got to culminate my month-long vacation and celebrate my first Chinese New Year!  It was special.

(Forgive us foreigners for looking ridiculous in this picture)

My friend Ross and I were invited by a friend of ours, 海洋 (hǎiyáng : "Ocean", not pictured above) to have dinner with his family for the new year, which I was pretty excited about, although I felt a little bit strange.  I felt it would be like my family having strangers over for Christmas; I had never met his parents before, and being a foreigner as well, I felt I would be more than a little out of place.  Which, of course, I was.  But hey, I'm pretty much always out of place here, so no worries, right?

Anyways, the experience itself was really interesting, and we got to experience a lot of Chinese New Year traditions, and eat lots and lots of really delicious home-cooked food, and of course be the recipients of the typical Chinese guest treatment.  Which meant, as we entered, we were basically forced to sit down, and were not allowed to do anything helpful for the rest of the evening, even if everyone else was.  Female guests, incidentally, are allowed to help; male guests are generally expected to sit around, smoke cigarettes, and wait for other people to do things for them.  Perfect. (Sarcasm.)  Anyways, after things were prepared, everyone sat down to eat this delicious meal, with the exception of the resident matriarch who continuously cooked throughout the meal, and switched out whichever dishes looked low for piping hot new ones.  I probably ate about 12 different Chinese dishes, and they were all, without exception, delicious.  So even though I felt bad for Haiyang's mom (who I absolutely loved), it was awesome. 

As we ate, we took part in another Chinese New Year tradition, dating back a glorious 27 years: watching television.  Specifically, watching the 新年晚会, or "New Years Party".  This television program is broadcast throughout the country every year from 8:00PM until just after midnight on New Years Eve, and is watched by an estimated 90%+ of families throughout mainland China (note: government-issued numbers are not to be trusted).  The sheer power of a television program controlled by the government, and watched by over 700 million nationalists is mind-boggling, and it's actually rather chilling how many of the various programs were focused on the glorious country rising up to the highest heights, supported by the glorious foundations of Mao Zedong and the communist party, etc. etc..  Although all that aside, it was also interesting trying to follow the various comedy routines, in between rousing patriotic scenes of beautiful mountainsides and huge tanks.  Luckily, at about 9:30, the power went out!  I love China.

This was actually the part when I was the happiest of the whole experience.  Haiyang's mother, aunt, and uncle all came to join us about the dinner table, and we did some good old fashioned family bonding by candlelight.  It was a great time, and I felt very lucky to have experienced it.  None of my pictures from the evening are very good, as I was taking everything hand held in the dark, but it was really very nice.

 

At around 11:00 or so, the kids (us) all left the house, and went to find a few friends of ours and walk the streets, enjoying the fireworks.  Now, I've mentioned before that the Chinese love their fireworks, but never have I experienced anything like this.  At about 11:30, the whole place erupted into some kind of war-zone, with huge fireworks being lit off in the midst of tall buildings, small children walking around in packs unsupervised with lighters and explosives, and of course my favorite, people lighting firecrackers and then dropping them out of their upper-story windows.  It was awesome!

I didn't get any good pictures of fireworks, but just trust me, there were lots of them, ready to usher in The Year of the Tiger.

Happy New Year Everyone!!

Traffic: It's interesting, I swear.

 

One of the things I felt really set Beijing apart from Xuchang was the typical street scene.  In the bigger cities in China, as in the picture above, you get actual traffic, the likes of which I'm used to.  Perhaps there's more of it than I usually see back home, but generally speaking, it's the same traffic, just expanded.  It has a flow; a sort of life of its own.  But then you compare with Xuchang, and you don't find the same traffic, only lighter.  Instead, what you find is a completely different animal.  (And, indeed, you may actually find animals.)

 

So while we were there, looking at all of the fancy cars and nice traffic patterns of Beijing, I couldn't help but harken back to some of my favorite scenes of Xuchang traffic...  like the omnipresent "three-wheeled car" (三轮车).  (It's a fancy tricycle.)

Or, another, the sort of scooter-car hybrid that I have aptly, if a bit insensitively, named the "Commie Car".  Go-Go-Gadget: Commie-mobile!

Or, my personal favorite:

And in case that picture doesn't show it clearly, here's another to compare:

Why yes, indeed, that is a six-lane highway, currently being dominated by a man and a donkey, driving a cart that looks to contain potted trees, painting supplies, and spare wheels for the woman in picture #3.  Excellent.

A friend of mine recently made a good observation, which I modified and expanded on slightly, which I think encompasses well the feeling in this rapidly growing city:

"You haven't really seen China until you've seen a brand new BMW swerve to avoid a donkey while driving the wrong way down the bike lane."

Which is, of course, entirely untrue.  But gosh it sure feels that way sometimes.

(PS: If you did not enjoy this blog post, please accept this picture of a cute puppy from the Puppy Market instead.)

好久不见 : Chinese for "I am a slacker".

To be honest I never really liked spending a lot of time listening to people apologize for being away for so long, so I'm going to spare you a whole lot of explanation and blah blah blah, and cut to the chase: I'm back!  And I have a whooole lot more time now!  Let's start catching up on my life:

Trip to Beijing

As I mentioned long ago, I spent a weekend in Beijing with my friend Ross, which was far too short a time to really hit all of the sights, but enough to get a very basic feeling for the differences between Beijing and Xuchang.  And it really might as well be two different countries.

First, we stayed in a hostel a stone's throw** away from the forbidden city.  Not only did it come packed with warm rooms (which was amazing, and sorely needed), but you could also buy M&M's, Snickers bars, or even an omelette with cheese!  It was like Heaven on Earth.

Our desire for the western foods we so craved would not be so easily sated, however, and so we quickly made it to our first real, and very authentic, meal in the Capital of the Orient.  That's right, Pizza Hut.  Where we found not only "Authentic and Exotica Pizzas", but were served by a cute Chinese elf.  Delicious and adorable.

Our culinary pursuits of course were not limited to our long-lost cheese and sweets, however.  We also ate the famous Beijing Roast Duck in a fancy restaurant, and then made our way to a couple of the street markets, where there were lots of interesting things to eat.  And buy, if you're into that.

One of my favorites was the Purveyor Of Interesting Creatures On Sticks that we found in one of the  markets.  I really wish I had gotten better pictures or even a video of this guy's stock, because not only were there a great deal of Interesting Creatures (On Sticks!), but most of them were still wiggling!  It was awesome.  Needless to say I treated us to a nice stick of wriggly scorpions.  Yum!

(Unfortunately, I must clarify that the scorpions were not actually wriggling at the time of eating.  Off by about 10 seconds in hot oil!)

(Cultural experience trumps vegetarianism every time!  Do scorpions even count?)

This picture of Ross about to put strange things into his mouth is dedicated to his mother, who occasionally stops by here to read this blog.  Hi Mrs. Heath!

Surprisingly, in addition to eating, we also did some other stuff in Beijing, like going to Tiananmen square, and taking obligatory touristy pictures.  Hooray!

 

  

 

The rest of the trip, aside from the concert you've already heard about, turned out to be fairly uneventful, with the notable exception of me being lost by myself in the city afterwards, and wandering through a number of Hutongs from about 1am until 2:30am in the frigid, frigid evening.  Who says life isn't interesting?

For the rest of my interesting life, you will have to wait for the next post!  Let's all cross our fingers that will come sooner this time!


** - For the sake of literary accuracy, I feel I ought to qualify this statement by saying it would probably have to be a rather small stone, and even then, a pretty good throw, maybe from the roof.  Perhaps we should just be safe and say I have one of those Aerobie discs. I could definitely make it with that.  "An Aerobie's throw away™"!